Absentminded
by CucumberPrincess
Summary: Roxas is trying to figure out what he's forgotten... or who. AkuRoku, mostly Fluff or Angst
1. Blue

**Hello. This is my first fanfiction that I've posted here. I hope it is well-received. My writing style tends to be harsh realism. Please enjoy at any rate. AkuRoku won't show up for a few chapters but bare with me. I want to set the scene first. ****I promise it's coming.**

**_--Chapter 1--_**

_Blue was the color of his eyes, his favorite ice cream, the infinite sky, the ocean he had never visited, and the sapphire he had kept from winning the Struggle tournament. Such a pure color. Also, a sad color. People drew tears as blue and said they felt blue when they were depressed. He knew this best of all and when he got time so sit alone and look inside himself, he only saw blue. An empty, hollow, deep, dark, almost-black blue. And he knew he was alone._

Roxas sat on top of the clock tower alongside his three friends; Hayner, Pence, and Olette. His legs swung lazily over the quiet streets as he watched his sea-salt ice cream melt droplets that fell to their peril below. His friends were talking about his Struggle victory against Setzer again… He half-listened even though his mind was elsewhere.

"Bang! Right down on his head. He spilled so many orbs, musta' been some record! We didn't even need to collect them! He couldn't even stand!" Hayner exaggerated often.

"We? Roxas won the thing!" Olette, always fair in everything she did.

"Roxas, you feeling okay?" And then there was Pence, with his annoying eye for detail.

"What? Yeah… My mind just kind of drifted off." Roxas licked the base of his melty ice cream to keep it off his hand. Getting frustrated, he bit a chunk out of it. The rest fell away onto the street and he tossed the stick after it. His friends were now talking about Seifer, Fuu and Rai, their enemies.

"The way he calls us names really ticks me off. _'Wanna fight, chicken wuss?'_ Ugh! I hate him!" Hayner completed a fairly accurate Seifer impression, then grabbed fistfuls of his hair and pulled in agitation. Yeah, Seifer was a pain but he wasn't a big problem. He and Hayner just had some age-old rivalry issues. Actually, Seifer's glare kind of reminded him of-

His mind was blank from there. He hated this. Sometimes he'd be thinking about something so trivial, then he'd hit a wall like this one. It was like forgetting the word for cat. It made him feel so stupid! He buried his face in his hands.

"Dude, something's seriously up. Pence's right. Why don't you talk to us anymore? It's like you think we don't care."

"I know you care but I don't know if I can explain it."

"You could try and who knows? Maybe there's something we can do." Olette smiled and bit off the final tip of her ice cream.

"Well… Have you ever felt like you've forgot something huge but no one's telling you what it is?"

"Dude, I do that all the time. Yesterday I went shopping with my mom and we got there and she was like, 'Get the clementines this time, Pence, not the oranges.' But when I got to the fruits section, I'd totally forgot why I'd come and had to go back and ask." Roxas laughed. Pence's mom was scary but he imitated her very well.

"I guess it's kind of like that. But instead of not knowing why I'm here, I feel like I'm being left out of a huge secret."

"No holds barred here, Dude." Hayner held up both hands, right fist still wrapped around his ice cream. He was always the last to finish because he refused to bite it.

"Maybe you're just bogged down with the thought of the independent study and school coming and stuff…" Olette pulled her hair into a ponytail, then let it go over he shoulder like girls do. It hit Roxas how he was suddenly noticing trivial things about his friends as school neared. He hoped this didn't mean they would grow apart like Hayner had said.

"I bet you're right but I know I'm not forgetting that study. It's been haunting me. Wanna do it all together tomorrow?" Hayner groaned, causing Olette to giggle. It was too obvious that they liked each other. Pence suddenly brightened.

"I have an idea for the topic! How about the seven wonders of the Terrace?" They all nodded in unison.

"That'd be cool. I bet there's loads of creepy stuff on the Terrace, Like, no one lives there!" Hayner looked a little happier.

"Okay, tomorrow then," said Olette as she stood up and fixed her shirt.

"Help me up." Hayner held out his hand to her and she pulled him onto his feet. Roxas lifted himself up and unfolded to his true height. He was glad he had friends that cared about each other. He really did feel better.


	2. Mistaken Identities?

**Welcome again! Hope the last page wasn't too hard to bare. It **_**was**_** kind of deprived of shounen-ai. Gomen.**

_**--Chapter 2—**_

The next day, the five of them met in the Usual Spot like they had planned. Beams of sunlight leaked through the holes in the tattered blanket that covered the entryway and created neat spots of light on the dirt floor. Roxas toed at them impatiently while Olette added up their munny.

"295… 300… I think we've got enough here. We won't be able to buy food so I brought some dragonfruit." Pence groaned.

"I _hate _dragonfruit."

"Well it hates you. Are we all set? Hayner? Come on!" They all strolled out of the Usual Spot, pushing aside the blanket and wrecking the lights that had distracted Roxas. He followed close behind.

"C'mon Roxas, pick up the pace! If you don't, we'll miss our train!" He jogged to catch up.

"Well wait up why don-" WHAM! He smacked right into Pence's broad back and fell backwards.

"What the-?" He had a right to be confused. His friends had stopped moving completely, even though it looked like they were still running. Olette had a broad smile on her face and Hayner had been caught wiping his nose on his shirt.

"What happened? Guys?" Roxas walked around them. They weren't breathing or moving or blinking. They had frozen.

"Roxas." He whipped around, scared out of his mind by the sound of his name in the silence. The man he saw was leaning against one of the brick walls of the alley. He was tall and lanky and so thin that Roxas thought maybe he wasn't able to hold his own weight and that was why he leaned against the wall. He wore a long cloak and had medium-length red hair that was spiked back to look like the fiery tail of a comet.

"Who are you?"

"C'mon. You remember me, right?" Roxas squinted. He was sure that he would remember someone if they had looked like _that._

"I'm sorry but I don't think…"

"Your best buddy! Axel…?"

"Axel?"

"Yeah! You remember. Fire… flames… Axel…"

"Sorry, I don't. Maybe you're looking for someone else…" The man seemed hurt. He looked at the toes of his tall black boots.

"No, you're definitely the guy I'm looking for."

"Maybe if you come back later I'll…remember…"

"Yeah… Maybe I'll try again later." He smirked in a downright disappointed way as he was swallowed by an infinite fluttering blackness. Then, he was gone.

"Roxas! I swear you're just getting farther behind! Come _on!_" Hayner called from up ahead. Roxas blinked. His head hurt.


	3. Myths Disproven

**It's me again. I have most of the story done so I'll be updating frequently. This chapter's pretty short and I can promise your shounen-ai next chapter. Oh! And please review. It means so much to me.  
**

_**--Chapter 3**—_

What a joke. Seven wonders of the Terrace? The things Pence had written down had all been proven as myths. So much for that! Roxas looked out the window of the train as it jogged over ruts in the tracks, giving him a bumpy view of the clear ocean. He wished summer vacation would never end. School was boring, hard, and dumb. He was too confused and irritated by his memory to even act happy right now. And who the heck was Axel? After the fact, he had seems vaguely familiar but it was all locked away. Friends? They had been friends? When? In what other life? He picked at the safety rubber around the windows as they bumped on towards Twilight Town.

At the station, the four kids clambered off the train and onto the platform. The dark cloud over Roxas' head was practically tangible and it seemed to be affecting the moods of his friends.

"That was the worst way I have _ever_ spent my munny. What are we gonna write about?"

"We tried, right? We can talk about how we disproved them, right?" Roxas grumbled at Olette's everpresent optimism. Anything could send him over the edge these days. Then he realized something.

"We only investigated six myths. Wasn't it the _Seven _Wonders?"

"The last one's here in Twilight Town at that creepy mansion."

"When are we gonna look for it?"

"I'm not into this whole Wonders thing any more. You can check it out alone if you want." Pence handed Roxas the Seven Wonders list.

"A girl in the window?"

"Supposedly…"

"I'll meet you guys at the Usual Spot after, kay?" They waved halfheartedly over their shoulder as they made their way to their favorite hideout. When they rounded the corner, Roxas took off towards the hole in the wall, through the woods, and to the haunted mansion.


	4. The Seventh Wonder

**Oooooh! Welcome to the first chapter with Shounen-Ai! Thanks for keeping up thus far. More to come, I promise!  
**

_**--Chapter 4—**_

The mansion never scared Roxas like it seemed to scare the others. It actually seemed a bit happy, amidst a field of beautiful rose bushes. He felt at home sitting in the front yard, watching the big picture-window for a sign of movement.

Suddenly he felt gloved hands over his eyes.

"Guess who."

"…Axel?…" The hands slid away as the man plunked down in the grass beside him.

"You really remember me this time?"

"Only from earlier. I feel like I may have met you before though. I just can't think where…"

"I've missed you." Roxas frowned a little. This was too weird. A stranger was telling him that they used to be friends and he couldn't even remember it at all.

"I'm sorry… I don't remember…"

"It's okay. I didn't really expect them to let you keep those memories. It's a bummer that I got locked away too though. We used to be best friends."

"What are you talking about?"

"I think Namine's chaining Sora's memories together as we speak so you'll remember soon enough."

"I… will?"

"I hope so. Then you'll remember me." Axel closed his hand over Roxas'. However, the younger boy pulled his hand away quickly and fiddled with the grass.

"Sorry." Roxas wanted to get away. Axel was making this all too awkward. Instead, he decided to break the silence.

"What was it like when we were friends?"

"Roxas… You made me feel like I had a heart. I hate not having that feeling. It feels… empty." Roxas blushed slightly, grimacing.

"Oh…" he whispered. "It's weird because sometimes I feel empty too… Like there's nothing inside. I can't remember who my parents were or my childhood… But when I look at you, I can almost remember. I want to know more than anything." Roxas glanced sidewards at Axel whose eyes were cast up at the large picture window. His smile was melancholy.

"Is there any way I can remember more quickly? I don't know who Namine is but I know I'm tired of feeling so empty.

"There is one way. Maybe you'll remember. Before you left us, you gave me something. Now I'll give it back."

"Huh?"

"Look up." Roxas looked at the sky curiously for a mere second before he found Axel's lips pressed against his own. He pulled away before he knew what he was doing. Axel's face remained unchanged.

"I didn't think you would remember."

"I don't." Roxas felt hot and his face was flushed red to the tips of his ears. He looked critically at Axel, making sure he was a guy. Why would he ever kiss a guy?

"I don't suppose you remember telling me you loved me either…"

"Sorry… It's all so…"

"Yeah well. You know. I never expected you to remember anyways. For now, I'll remember for you." He stood up tenderly, walked a few feet, and once again dissolved into darkness.

Roxas touched his lips curiously and felt tears welling up in his blue eyes. He had hurt someone he had once loved. He wondered if it was possible to forget loving someone. But then, Axel was the only one he hadn't completely forgotten. Maybe he _had _been in love once.


	5. To Play With Fire

**First off, I would love to thank Remnant-of-Misery for favoriting this fanfic and DarkDeSkull, Lifes.Lover, and Superemily for putting it on their story alerts list. It makes me want to write more when I know people are liking what I write. Please review and let me know if you find typos, too!**

_**--Chapter 5—**_

"Roxas… What's wrong?"

"It's nothing." Hayner gave him a playful punch to the shoulder.

"Forgetting things?"

"Remembering, I think…"

"You never came and told us what you saw in the window yesterday!" Pence took the seven-wonders list that he held out and uncapped a pen so that he could record what Roxas had observed.

"It was just a curtain moving," said Roxas without even thinking about his reply.

"Bummer." Pence scribbled the answer furiously. Hayner leaned back against one of the crates and chewed a sea-salt ice cream stick in thought.

"What are you remembering?"

"I had a dream… It felt so real! Axel was there…"

"Who's he?"

"I- You- Nevermind… A guy I met yesterday. He says he's from my past."

"That's an interesting way of putting it…. Cool, I guess." Hayner bit the stick in two and tossed it into a dusty corner. Roxas shut his eyes and replayed the dream in his mind.

He was kneeling on a white floor in a strange hall he was unfamiliar with. All around him were black-hooded figures who shouted angrily at him.

"How could you try to leave us, Roxas?"

"Why would you do such a thing, Roxas?"

"A nobody can never find their somebody, Roxas!"

He clenched his head in his hands, trying to stop himself from lashing out at them with his dual keyblades. Then, suddenly, from somewhere behind him came a yell full of pain and panic. He whipped around to see Axel trying desperately to push his way into the tightly-packed circle.

"No! ROXAS!" He looked scared, his face rendered in a twisted scowl.

The dream had faded out from there but it had been so clear in his mind. He opened his eyes to find that his friends had frozen again and Axel was leaning against the opposite wall, playing with his fingers.

"Axel!" The man smiled as if he pitied the blonde boy.

"I convinced Namine to give you back some memories of me."

"So that really happened?"

"I dunno. What did you see?"

"You were trying to get at me from outside a ring of black-hooded people."

"Yeah, that really happened." He looked away, pulling off his glove and examining his fingernails.

"I really sorry about yesterday."

"Whatever. I hope someday you'll remember me and things won't be so weird." A flame sprung from his fingertips, flickering and fluttering. Roxas was hypnotized, unable to draw his eyes from its comforting glow.

"Were we… more than friends?" The flame fizzled out so suddenly that it caused Roxas to jump. The boy tore his eyes away to meet Axel's piercing green gaze. Axel strode over languidly, stopping just in front Roxas. He placed his warm, ungloved hand on Roxas' head.

"You'll remember soon enough." He stretched up and looked on ironically, then turned and began to walk away. However, he barely took two steps before Roxas grabbed his wrist. He looked back, confused. The boys eyes were shining with leveed tears and he was scowling angrily.

"I want to know! I'm tired of hurting you!"

"You're not hurting me. I know it's not your fault!"

"Well… It'd be nice to… you know… know if I'm gay or not." Tears finally slipped down his cheeks and he looked away, ashamed. Axel kneeled in front of the boy, taking his hand.

"Roxas… look at me… Don't freak yourself out over something so trivial. I did love you and you _said _you love me… I don't know what that means anymore but… I _do _know that you mean the world to me." Roxas looked shamefully into Axel's eyes.

"I'm scared." Axel smiled a little.

"Then I'll protect you." The boy leaned into the crook of Axel's neck and cried into his shoulder. He may have been a stranger, but he was a wonderful stranger. Roxas understood not why he had loved him. After a few minutes, Axel pulled away and wiped Roxas' tears with his thumb. The younger boy hiccupped as he tried to stop crying.

"I'm s-sorry. I d-don't know why I'm bre-breaking down like this." Axel smiled so kindly that Roxas felt better immediately. He wouldn't care if the rest of the world's population died out right now, as long as he could live on with Axel by his side.


	6. Always Mean What You Say

**Thanks so much to Guzophela for the awesome review and story alert. Also, thank you DemonicDarkWolf for the story alert. Reviwes and alerts mean so much. At least it means you'll be coming back to read more!**

_**--Chapter 6—**_

"Dude, are you okay?" Hayner had spotted Roxas crying and crossed the small space to stand where Axel had stood moments before. His arms were folded.

"Go away."

"What the heck is wrong with you?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Olette appeared behind Hayner's shoulder.

"Don't push us away, Roxas. We want to help!"

"Yeah. You can tell us anything!" That was Pence. He had taken a seat on the other end of the couch, causing the springs to groan under their burden. Roxas twisted his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"You, like, never cry. Something's wrong."

"Don't you want to talk to someone? That usually helps me feel better."

"Do you want a hug or something?" He couldn't take their badgering any longer. He screamed.

Memories poured in and seared his brain. He saw millions of cloaked figures in the slides that flicked past his eyes. Picture after picture. Memory after memory. It was painful and he buckled. He let his mind take the pain as it came Eventually the flicking slowed and he was able to pick out individual memories. Axel and he talking, Demyx, Xaldin. He found himself capable of naming all these people he was sure he had never seen before.

Saïx, Xemnas, Luxord, Marluxia…Axel…

His memories had slowed so much so that they had almost stopped. He was finally able to see what was happening in some of them, but he was curious about one in particular. When he found it, he allowed it to play out.

"Did they hurt you?" Roxas was kneeling on the strange white floor again. His head throbbed with pain but the hooded figures were gone, all except for Axel who knelt beside him. He was nursing a bloody nose, his hands coated in a crusty crimson.

"I'm alright."

"I was so scared they'd killed you!"

"I wish they had. There's no reason to stay alive in this hell-hole." He coughed and spattered the floor with red speckles from a split lip.

"Please don't say that. If you'd died, I don't know what I'd have done…It certainly wouldn't have been anything rational…" He pulled Roxas into a hug against his chest. Roxas could still remember Axel's scent mixed with that of his own blood.

"I love you," he whispered, thinking the man wouldn't hear. He hadn't really meant to say it. At least, not right _now._

"Are you sure you want to say that?"

"I say what I mean and I mean what I say." He felt hot wetness on his cheek and found that Axel was crying.

"I'm sorry…" The smaller boy pulled back, confused. He hadn't meant for Axel to _cry _when he said that.

"No… it's just that… I didn't think it was possible for nobodies to love… so I was always trying to figure out what it was that I _did _feel."

"Please don't cry…" Roxas pushed himself into a sitting position. Axel's shining green eyes were drowning him, drawing him closer to their dark centers. He kissed the tip of the man's nose. However, the angry maelstroms wouldn't settle for that. Axel pulled him down into a love-infected kiss that rendered him helpless.

"_I _love _you_, Roxas."

The image faded out again and Roxas found himself waking on the cold pavement floor of the Usual Spot with his friends surrounding him. He could still feel Axel's ghost-kiss.


	7. Clovers and Questions

**Sorry for the long posting delay. I've also been writing a Godchild fanfic that's taking up a lot of time and doing my artwork so please bare with me. This is one of my favorite (and the most hard to write!) chapters of them all, I think.**

_**--Chapter 7—**_

Roxas didn't bother to go to the Usual Spot the next morning. Instead he made his way back to the mansion where he was sure he would find Axel again. He lowered himself slowly into the grass and waited. As he sat, he picked through the new memories he had access to. Each one had something to do with Axel, and although it seemed he didn't have all the pieces, he began to put together his past.

It was made apparent that he had been a member of some club or group that had thirteen members… Or eight. Did an X mean five or ten in Roman numerals? However, he had tried to leave because he was unhappy there. They had caught him and beat him or… something along those lines. He had tried to leave a second time and this time he had succeeded.

It was like getting a new personality in mail order. He was thrown off by how much he had forgotten.

"Namine says you're making headway." Roxas eyes opened quickly and he turned to find Axel lying in the grass next to him.

"I… I remember you now." He drew his knees up to his chest and plucked blades of grass from beside his feet. Axel was silent. He plucked a clover flower and dropped it onto the redhead's chest. The man smiled and picked it up between his forefinger and thumb, smelling it curiously.

"I…" Roxas wasn't sure how to voice what he wanted to say. "I remember… You and I… we…I said… said I loved you." Roxas was trembling internally with nerves. He hugged his knees in a death grip. When Axel didn't respond, he kept going as calmly as he could.

"And you said it too."

"I say what I mean and I mean what I say." Roxas smiled embarrassedly at Axel's quiet response.

"How old are you, Axel?"

"About 17… Maybe 18… Maybe older…"

"You mean you don't know?"

"A Nobody does not have the right to know… so there's no way I can be sure."

"Nobody…" It felt like a violent swear word on Roxas' tongue. He flopped down in the grass next to Axel and shielded his eyes from the blinding sun.

"So Roxas… What do you think?"

"Huh?" He turned and squinted at the older boy beside him.

"What are we?" Axel held his arms up, reaching towards the sky in a questioning gesture.

"Uhm… Well… I kind of figured that we were still…"

"Boyfriends? You can say the word. It won't kill you."

"B… Boy…" Roxas pretended to stumble over the word. He screwed up his face in mock agony. " I just can't seem to say it!"

"B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D-S. Boyfriends. Got it memorized?" Axel tapped his temple and Roxas snorted in laughter.

"Yeah. What_ever!_"

"C'mere you little punk!" Axel rolled over and grabbed Roxas by the waist, tickling his stomach just under the hem of his shirt, relishing in the chiming laugh. He rolled them over in the grass so that he was on top, looking down into Roxas' face. The boy was laughing hysterically. Eventually he calmed down, though his face still glowed with smiles. Axel picked a clover and put it on the boy's lips. Roxas spat it back.

"Axel, your eyes are so green!" He giggled, a bit delirious. Axel laughed in pity. They lay for a second, not saying anything. Roxas picked a dandelion from beside his shoulder and put it behind Axel's ear, causing him to laugh yet again. When he was finally able to breath, Axel rested his forehead against Roxas'.

"God, I've missed this so bad."

"I… I missed you too…" Roxas began to tremble again, knowing what was coming next. He decided he would let it happen and figure out later whether it was right or wrong. He was so tired of hurting Axel.

Axel's lips met his own and he stopped shaking. There really wasn't anything to be nervous about. As a matter of fact, it seemed like they belonged this way. He bravely licked Axel's bottom lip, tasting salt. Axel took the hint and Roxas' lips parted faintly, allowing Axel to use his tongue. A cold shiver darted up his spine; Axel's heat was intense, like the fire he had under his control. He curled a bit of Axel's red hair around his finger, surprised that it was silky, not chunky with hair gel. This had all been his and it was his again.

"Roxas! What the-?"

**SUSPENSE! It's killing you! O.O Who spoke? Find out!**


End file.
